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Occasionally I wandered in where I was not wanted and gave truthful answers.
Sometimes I even did it deliberately. A little disruption now can prevent disaster later.

Collecting pelts

Thinking by bloggingCollecting pelts. Notches on the bedpost. Counting coup. It’s the same thing.

Casual sex.

I’ve thought about writing this for a long time. This is my fifth attempt today at writing a piece.

Oops. Unintended pun there.

I’m not monogamous. I never pretended to be.

Yes, I frequently did casual sex. It’s a wonder that I never picked up a STD. I don’t know if I have any children. I don’t think I do. But honestly I don’t remember the last names of most of the women. I’m not real sure I remember more than half of the first names.

Yes, I was a player in my Corporate Clone days.

It was almost expected where I worked. Long term emotional connections were the last thing we were interested in. Most of the time, breakfast wasn’t part of the package. More often than not, a bed wasn’t part of the package either. We were keeping score. We were counting coup. We using sex to have fun and sometimes keep our rivals at bay. If we were lucky, we could blackmail the higher ups.

No, it wasn’t responsible. No, I’m not proud of it. And yes, it lasted longer than it should have with me.

While not exactly juvenile, I think that’s certainly young adult behavior. You’re learning about sex, about what you like and don’t like, about what you can and can not do. At this point you’re in it for the thrill and the hormonal rush. That’s the

And that is the trouble. You’re so focused on your feelings that you’re not connecting with the other person.

Except physically.

People cherish their passions. Even ignoring other people if it gives more passion.

That brings us to the pillow talk problem. Otherwise known as “what do we talk about after fucking?”

Here’s the secret that all those how-to sex books won’t tell you. If you care for the other person, if you respect them, if you share deep passions with them, then the sex makes all that better. The more you know about them and the more they know about you, the better the sex will be. If they push your mind and spirit while you push theirs, you’ll never be bored.

All that without the exotic positions, the extra toys, the role play, and the power play.

Just simple hot fucking.

You see, I agree with Christopher Ryan and Caclida Jetha in their
Sex at Dawn.

I think human sexuality evolved for bonding as well as procreation.

I don’t think it was necessarlly exclusive.

I don’t think it was necessarily hetrosexual.

Nor do I think this is the only way the species can work.

Going with Ryan and Jetha’s ideas from the book, in a hunter/gatherer group, people shared everything from food to sex.

But even here, it was people who cared for each other and trusted each other.

That’s the commonality.

And that is what I think differentiates casual sex from meaningful sex. The body heat and skin-to-skin contact enhance the bond, but the root of the bond isn’t sex.

Do you trust the other person?

Do you trust them to tell you truth?

Do you trust them not to hurt you or yours?

Do you trust them not to steal?

Do you trust them enough to share your tomorrow?

Can they trust you?

Shared trust is what can make it work.

What else is worth talking about?

I’ve two and only two unbreakable sex rules. The first is consenting adults only. The second is I won’t fuck anyone who promised to be someone else's “one and only.” While I was writing this entry, it dawned on me that those two rules depend on trust. That trust is what moves a fuck into something more.

So something good came out of that time in my life. But I moved on, quality tops quanity.

I think I will tell my companions and ask what they think.

When we’re sharing a pillow.

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A narrow slice of life, but now and again pondering American neopaganism, modern adult pagans & the World.

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