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Occasionally I wandered in where I was not wanted and gave truthful answers.
Sometimes I even did it deliberately. A little disruption now can prevent disaster later.

Naked pagans & sex - updated

All right, here’s that naked pagan post I promised. It’s another of my pagan sexuality posts.

Personally I have two unbreakable sex rules. If it’s not between consenting adults, it’s rape and it should be treated as such. An if you promised to be someone’s “one and only,” you’re off limits.

American pagans are less inhibited than most of our neighbors. We may show flesh in more varieties than you have ever dreamt of, we may talk and ESPECIALLY sing about sex, but the boundaries are still clear. Just because someone arouses you doesn’t mean they are interested in sex with you. Even if they do show you more body parts than you’ve ever seen outside a bedroom.

We hug. We cuddle. We may even kiss. But that doesn’t mean we allow just any fingers or faces into our nether regions. That doesn’t mean you get to cop a feel. When you ask for sex, it’s always the other person’s choice.

Some pagans are polyamorous. Some, like me, believe that sex is something shared between good friends. Some practice casual sex. Most aren’t always exclusive with our affection or our sexuality. But that doesn’t mean we’ll fuck the next random person. It also means that if a pagan has sex with you, you have no claim to our body or our sexuality.

There’s some cross-over between pagans and BDSM aficionados. Just because someone may wear a collar and call themselves slave doesn’t mean they are YOUR slave.

Here’s what I wish certain people would understand. Nudity does not equal sex. Nudity does not invite sex. Just because someone is naked and shows arousal doesn’t mean they want sex right now. Or sex with you later.

Pagans do not “get nekkid” so you can get your jollies.

Speaking personally, I don’t have a body chiseled by Michelangelo or a thirteen-inch penis. My hands are small for a man, stubby would be closer to the mark. My legs are shorter in proportion to my torso and arm length. I have a few wispy hairs on my chest. But I have one of the best beards around, and I’m told it feels amazing when I rub it on a lady’s inner thighs.

And then there is the hair tickle. Which is one of the reasons I have long hair.

Getting laid isn’t hard (pun intended), especially in this day and age. The challenge is making a lady want to come back. It grows out of what I call the pillow talk problem. Or, “What do we talk about after fucking?”

I want something in common with the lady. Some connection beyond the flesh. Something into her mind and passions. Something that excites me and doesn’t just give me an erection.

Partly it’s purely selfish. I’m not interested in marriage and I wouldn’t be a good father.

Part of it is because I only enjoy being sociable one on one or in small groups. It’s exhausting consciously keeping up with the non-verbal cues of more than eight or so people at once.

And part of it is the flip side of the Asperger syndrome. When I am with someone, I am intense. Like nearly stalker intense. I keep it reigned in and tightly focused to keep my companion from freaking out. It makes sex easier. Mostly I am more interested in her reactions than my own climax.

After, I want to talk. I want the relationship but I don’t want the marriage. When the moods get bad, I don’t want people I care about around me. I don’t want to hurt them. I go into hermit mode because I respect them and I do not trust myself.

But that’s just me.

Someone can be nude, but that doesn’t mean that they’ve shared themselves with you. We touch people, really touch people in their hearts, mind, and spirit. This skin isn’t all that we are, this flesh is just a part of us. What you see on the outside is just the outer layer. We’re not defined by our genitalia. We’re measured by the lives we touch.

Most importantly, nudity does not mean we are oversexed. Nor does it mean that we’re responsible for your thoughts and impulses. Nudity is not about sex. Nudity does not invite sex.

Yes I know, I said that before. It must be important or I wouldn’t say it again.

I agree with Oberon Zell about one thing, Christianity messed up sexuality and nudity in Western Civilization. It’s taken centuries to climb out of that mess. Some folks are still trying to drag us back.

So when it comes to your naked pagan neighbors:

Someone’s body belongs to them, not you.

Look, but don’t touch unless invited.

Don’t expect your beliefs to govern our nudity.

A friendly hug or cuddle is not sexual.

No sex OF ANY KIND without invitation.

Pretty simple, right? If only that applied to real life…

Oops! It does. Pagans just sometimes do it without the clothes. Maybe because nudity does not equal sex and nudity doesn’t invite sex.

There I go again. That must really be something important.

Nudity doesn’t equal sex. Nudity doesn’t invite sex.

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A narrow slice of life, but now and again pondering American neopaganism, modern adult pagans & the World.

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